Your Thursday Kickoff: A holiday wishlist for the Eastern Conference

What you need to know

Seattle Sounders re-sign club legend Montero

Seattle Sounders FC has re-signed veteran forward Fredy Montero. Montero returns to Seattle on a one-year contract for the 2023 season, coming off a 2022 campaign that saw the 35-year-old net eight goals across all competitions, including three crucial tallies in Seattle's historic run to the 2022 Concacaf Champions League title.

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A holiday wishlist for the Eastern Conference

Quiet day etc. etc. y’all know the drill at this point and oh my goodness I am begging teams on a personal level to start doing things more interesting than re-signing club legends we all knew they were gonna re-sign. Someone trade a DP for an international spot or something!

Anyway, until then, let’s get in the holiday spirit and take a look at what each Eastern Conference team has on their wish list this holiday season.

Toronto FC: A second chance at a DP center back

Was Carlos Salcedo the worst signing of 2022? There’s a legitimate argument for it. Although we should probably note that, at the very least, Toronto didn’t have to pay a transfer fee to bring him in. But still, a DP defender who only played 16 games for the league’s worst defense over the first half of the season is less than ideal. It didn’t get much better defensively after he left.

In 2023, they’ll head into the year trying to sort out their defensive problems enough to let Lorenzo Insigne, Federico Bernardeschi and Jonathan Osorio carry the rest of the load in attack. With an open DP spot, they could try the DP center back thing again. At the very least, they have a lot of work to do to sort out their back line.

Philadelphia Union: Uhhhh…I dunno... More depth?

It’s probably just the more depth thing right? I can’t pick out another area they really need to improve on right now. They’re set up to challenge for a CCL title, Leagues Cup and more. They kind of already addressed part of the depth thing by bringing in Andres Perea through a trade. Maybe the wish is just that nobody touches anything. Even if they lose Kai Wagner or someone else though, they’ve probably already identified five potential replacements who they can plug in immediately. The car drives itself at this point.

Orlando City SC: A Nani/Mueller replacement

Orlando should be busy this offseason (any day now!) but their biggest decision will be centered around what they do with an open DP spot. It feels like a dynamic winger should be the move there. Orlando were just…so…plodding…all…the time…last season. Having someone who can stretch the field the way Nani and Chris Mueller did would go a long way toward correcting that. It would at least make them more interesting.

New York Red Bulls: For any of these strikers to work

The same thing as every year lately, right? This time they seem to have already tried to address the problem by bringing in Cory Burke and bringing back Elias Manoel. Neither feels like a perfect solution right now, but I think they’d take half of a solution at this point. It might be what finally takes them from a consistent playoff team to their first MLS Cu-hahaahahaha no, no, that won’t happen, they’re cursed. The actual wish is to end their terrible, terrible curse.

NYCFC: Talles Mag-go

Talles Magno took a big step forward last season – at least for part of it. Then he got moved from the wing into Taty Castellanos’ old role and things got clunky. I’d imagine he’ll be back on the wing this year, and while he’s shown outstanding ability on the ball, his off-ball movement has been lacking. For him to make his next big jump, his off-ball numbers have to improve. As Matt Doyle pointed out for the 22 Under 22 series this year, per Second Spectrum, Magno is in the first percentile (as in, the bottom 1%) of off-ball attacking runs per possession leaguewide over the past two years, ahead of only Luiz Araujo.

New England Revolution: A healthy Dylan Borrero

The 20-year-old midfielder came to New England in May and instantly showed flashes of absurd potential. He seemed as dynamic as they come on the ball and like the kind of player who could help guide New England back to the playoffs in a year full of transition. Then he got hurt after just his seventh start and we didn’t see him back on the field until the very end of the season. The Revs want to see him good to go for 2023, and I do too. If he can jumpstart the New England attack, Djordje Petrovic will take care of any other issues defensively.

Nashville SC: You don’t have to give us anything, we’ll give you something

Hello, hi, no wishes for us here at Nashville SC, but, hey, you seem like the kind of team that would love a DP forward. Can we interest you in a DP forward? His name is Ake and we promise he’ll fit in perfectly with whatever you’re trying to do. He’s the best. We love him so much that we’re actually just trying to share him with more people. All you have to do is pay…um…the entirety of his $1.49 million contract and maybe a small transfer fee. So yeah, no problem, this we’ll be fun, we’ll drop him off soon, ok byeeeeeeee.

CF Montréal: Let us start our 43-part wish list by saying…

It’s a lot. Like a lot. Let’s just move on…

Inter Miami: An Argentina win

Seems like a certain greatest player of all time, totally fulfilled by winning every trophy possible internationally, would be more likely to come to Miami if they had nothing left to accomplish other than to prove they could do it on a rainy night in Fort Lauderdale.

D.C. United: The number of a good yoga instructor

This team is getting older by the day, and I don’t think they will slow down any time soon. The MO under Wayne Rooney seems to be getting veteran talent from Europe now and capitalizing on some brand recognition while they can. All those guys are going to have to stay healthy and survive an MLS summer though. Proper stretching and breathing can play a big part.

Columbus Crew: Some wingbacks, please

If Wilfried Nancy is going to go with a back three in Columbus, he’s going to need to replace Pedro Santos. And maybe just add a few more pieces to fit the system in general. Basically, they’ve already gotten their biggest and best gift; they just need the proper accessories to make it really cool.

FC Cincinnati: Everyone to back off for a second

All these teams trying to get Brandon Vazquez or Brenner to leave. Can’t y’all just let Cincy be happy for a couple of years?

Chicago Fire FC: To call timeout on Jhon Duran

If they can just get a timeout for like a year and keep other teams from swooping in for him with the kinds of offers Chicago can’t refuse, that’d be sweet. A full year with one of the most exciting young players in the league could finally get them back to the playoffs. It would also give his transfer value a chance to skyrocket.

That and some kind of way to correct a back line that consistently set some of the most disjointed lines in the history of the sport would also be good, but you can only ask for so much, ya know?

Charlotte FC: Sebastian Driussi lessons for Karol Swiderski

Sure seems like Enzo Copetti is on the way to being a DP no. 9 and that seems to mean that Charlotte is intent on turning Karol Swiderski into some kind of hybrid 10, second striker type player. Skeptical isn’t the right word, but we just don’t have a ton of proof of concept on that idea yet. Maybe Swiderski can turn into the East’s answer to Sebastian Driussi though. Crazier things have happened than an extremely talented attack taking a leap forward when utilized correctly in their second year in MLS.

Atlanta United: Everyone to attend their sale

You could go get one Ake Loba from Nashville or you could come over to Atlanta United’s midfield emporium and go home today with a Marcelino Moreno, Matheus Rossetto, Emerson Hyndman and Franco Ibarra for practically no money down.*

*Money should actually be put down, there’s no guarantee midfielders purchased will be good but they could really use the roster flexibility, the allocation money and the roster flexibility and allocation money to buy good midfielders. There will be no refunds.

Other Things

D.C. United sign former Toronto FC goalkeeper Bono: D.C. United have signed free-agent goalkeeper Alex Bono through the 2024 MLS season with an option for 2025. An eight-year MLS veteran, Bono spent all of his previous professional career at Toronto FC, helping the club win the treble (MLS Cup, Supporters' Shield, Canadian Championship) in 2017 while recording a personal-best 13 clean sheets that season. In total, the 28-year-old has 29 clean sheets in 135 regular-season and Audi MLS Cup Playoff appearances.

Seattle Sounders sign homegrown goalkeeper Castro: Seattle Sounders FC have signed homegrown goalkeeper Jacob Castro through the 2023 MLS season with options for 2024-26. The 22-year-old recently finished a collegiate career at San Diego State and Washington, where he was a two-time All-Pac-12 selection.

Almada becomes first active World Cup finalist in MLS history: On Tuesday, Almada became the first active MLS player to make a FIFA World Cup final when Argentina defeated Croatia 3-0 in their semifinal matchup. Almada would become the first active MLS player to win a FIFA World Cup should La Albiceleste complete the job on Sunday against France.

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