You might have missed the sixth and final episode of Rattled, TLC's recently concluded parenthood reality series, featuring the New York Red Bulls' own Sal Zizzo, his wife, Destiny, and their new baby, Capri. That’s probably because there's actual MLS soccer to watch now!
But that’s okay—the Red Bulls are finally winning again, just like Sal and Destiny wound up basically winning on the show. They figured prominently in the second episode (our recap), and then came out looking pretty sane by the end. In reality TV, that’s a serious accomplishment.
So here’s a quick, water cooler-worthy rundown of what happened throughout the rest of the season. (You can watch clips on the show's site.)
The show follows three other couples besides Sal and Destiny, all following various TV archetypes. The overachievers are trying to balance growing their demanding business with taking care of their little boy. The parents of the quadruplets have to do everything times four, while still keeping up with rigorous eye makeup application and making sure their 400,000-plus Facebook fans stay satiated. The third couple…. Let's just say we hope they're getting real, non-televised therapy.
Then, there are Sal and Destiny, who have problems the way, well, normal people have problems. They're married, they have a kid now, and they have parents.
Destiny gives birth to Capri in Rattled episode three, “Maybe It's Time for the Epidural” (Those are Sal's own words!) She looks amazing while giving birth, and continues to look incredibly polished while breast pumping. She continues to basically glow, even as her parenting decisions are questioned, and even when her mom (still the best part of this show) asks a young, prospective nanny if she's ever nursed another woman's baby. A camera crew is probably a pretty effective motivator, but if success can be measured in how infrequently a mom puts her hair in a ponytail, Destiny gets a solid A+.
Editing can be deceptive, but both Sal's and Destiny's moms appear to stick around—living in the couple’s house—for months on end, acting generally mom-ish. They don't understand how to be vegetarians, they can't take selfies, and they definitely think they know best.
The Sal and Destiny story reaches its climax on Rattled when the new parents decide to spend Christmas at their home in New Jersey, rather than with their parents on the West Coast. A very real and heartfelt conversation transpires. (Well, I am sure it does in the episode, though as I watched, I opted to scroll through Instagram because it is possible I might not have quite recovered from Thanksgiving 2014, also known as the year we canceled all our family plans last minute, because we had a baby and everything was the hardest ever and I don't want to talk about it.)
Sal and Destiny have made a lot of compromises with each other and with their parents over the course of the show, but not this time, not about the holidays. Red Bulls fans, be cheered that Sal holds his ground on a soccer field as well as he does with his mother.
Rattled says goodbye to Destiny and Sal as they enjoy Christmas dinner as a family of three, looking great and eating vegan turkey substitute. When baby Capri then pukes in her mom's hand, we realize: Professional soccer players, they're (almost) just like us.
